People's Problems with Personal Purity

I do not typically consider myself an outspoken feminist activist. Do I believe men and women should be considered equally in all aspects-yes. However, you will rarely see me outwardly rant to someone about it. This post is one of those rare exceptions. Schearing and Ziegler have some good points that they bring to the table. I agree with, probably out of my own biased personal experience, that men struggle with and have a big sex drive, while women tend to be more emotional creatures. This is not to say that men are stone cold and women hate sex- It just seems like genders have their own struggles in this area. I cannot conform to any notion, because of this reason or really any reason for that matter, that women are designed to entirely submit to their husbands, or to any prominent male figure in their lives. Growing up with a solid religious background, I am familiar with the notion of having an intimate, loving relationship with Jesus, no matter what gender you are. Having Jesus as the most prominent figure in your life is the main goal to consistently keep in your life as a Christian. However, I have trouble accepting the idea that it is a woman’s role to submit to men in her life. I believe that people can be submissive or perhaps more passive by nature- not by gender or by supposed divine ruling.

Reading through Schearing and Ziegler’s book, I found the section about princess the most personally intriguing, and also probably the most frustrating. I’m a daddy’s girl. I’ll admit it. I have been shaped and influenced by the teachings and examples set out for me by my dad. I also love the fact that I share many interests with him, such as a love of the outdoors, science fiction, and even physical traits such as our eyes. However, none of the things I claim to share with my father are born out of a twisted religious ideal that to be a good little Christian girl I have to please him, and then afterwards my husband, at every turn. There is no pressure to impress or submit to the wishes of my father. In fact, I think he would hate that. If you would ask him today, I believe he would wish for me to grow into an independent, strong willed, sharp minded individual; not some submissive ready-to-please doll. Growing up, my dad took me out camping and hiking, to museums and state parks. He taught me about Science fiction films and nature. Setting a table and other such stereotypical ‘princess’ work was never an interest to me. Proper etiquette was learned and expected, as it should be for any good mannered individual of either gender, however this was never emphasized as a perfected life necessity for being a female in my household. I recognize myself as lucky because I have a father who cares more about my head and my heart than my social and hierarchic standing.

 All of the princess programs for little girls mentioned in the book make me sad. It is almost like brainwashing these little girls to associate their purity with material reward before they are even going the struggle of sexual temptation. Positive reinforcement towards keeping your virginity is followed by something even more scarring; negative social repercussions of losing it. Girls who go through this childhood process of being praised for their purity become the label- they are proud and unique because of it. Perhaps they even see themselves on a level other than their sinful peers. Say they have sex before marriage- What would their parents do? What would people at church think or say? Could I ever go back? And probably the scariest one of all- Does God hate me now? In the book, Harris talks about how saving sex for marriage made the entire process more enjoyable for him and his wife. However, I know this not always to be the case. Women who grow up with this ‘Jesus’ Princess’ label on their foreheads can be persuaded so much into keeping their purity that even after marriage sex feels morally wrong and socially unacceptable. If you grow up proud and known for you unique pureness, and all of a sudden after a few vows lose this part of yourself forever, what does your new label become?